In the beginning, we meet our character. He's lifting weights on the bench in his enormous weight room. Around the room, we see mats, dumbells, weights, excercise balls, and various other equipment. Roy is just finished doing his most amount of reps ever when his clock rings that it's time for lunch.
He jumps off his bench and does some flexing in the mirror to show how strong he is. Then he travels to his kitchen. His kitchen is tall, but narrow. Roy has no problem reaching items from the top shelves. He makes himself a hamburger. He then grabs the pickle jar out of the refrigerator.
He attempts to open the jar, but it's stubborn. After time of struggling and failing to open the far, he tries other various methods such as a wrench, blender, etc. But, to no avail, does the jar open. So, he resorts to using a rocket launcher. He is successful in opening the jar, however that is due to the fact that it exploded. So, now he has no pickles and his kitchen is detroyed.
- Alt. ending: He shrugs it off and picks up a pickle with his fork that is on the floor.
Opinions? And go...
3 comments:
I like your story. I feel like a key point of focus when it come time for development and animation, is to pay attention to the emotion changes. Calm-Angry-triumphant. I feel like those are the biggest keys to creating this story.
I have some problems with the ending but i think it is working for you. I want this chracter to suffer with the jar oppening because he is powerful man and he should put all his power to open the jar.
i don't know if the beginning is very strong with the guy being in the weight room. i think he should start out in the kitchen, perhaps he has weights laying around in the kitchen or he walks in with them repping as he opens a cupoard.
i think the emotional changes within the character are great. but i think u can greatly improve your animation with cutting out the weightroom and bringing it into the kitchen giving the viewer a sense he just came from the weightroom and is totally obsessed with it. i say obsessed because he has weights everywhere, even in the kitchen or perhaps he has stuff in the cupboards next to cans of food?
i don't know, but i think u can make he animation focus on the character rather than relying on environment or setting. but the props can greatly help the viewer understand the character better.
the jar seems to present the character with a test of his strength. it is understandable that he gets frustrated with the jar when it doesnt open, but it is a little predictable to utterly try brute force to open it. i think he should try everything within his might to open it initially but resort to some elaborate intricate means to open it. perhaps he has had military training and uses trip mines or karate moves on the jar rather than pulling out a rocket launcher.
hmmm.... i like the idea that the jar is destroyed at the end but i dont think it presents a character arc. perhaps his pride is shattered when the jar shatters and he has to eat a pickle off of the floor.
well.. i think there should be another desire rather than him being hungry. perhaps the jar is ultimately testing his vanity and pride and has a will all it's own. perhaps the jar should be an antagonist with emotions as well. i think that would make the piece much stronger if the jar were an antagonist rather than a stationary object.
wow.. i blurbed a lot.. excuse my non-brevity.
you have a great character, but i think he should be pushed closer to the edge. which can be easy to do if u give the jar some life as a secondary character(it can still be a jar, just a jar that hops around or something easy like that)
i am going to stop ^_^
Post a Comment